I’ve been running seemingly endless permutations of a single question for some days now, what does the Cosmos want of me? And the answer isn’t an answer I can be linear with, other than to say that the Cosmos wants me to be myself. How curious it is to have difficulty with being “myself,” knowing full well there isn’t any “me.” There’s also a curiosity about the work of the philosopher. Discovering what that is. I’m feeling that I’m in a sort of “in-between” place. Perhaps this is the feeling one gets when traversing the boundaries of the unknown between one attractor basin and another. Keeping steady in the turbulent boundary regions, preparing as best I can for the unexpected. Which is one of the hazards and invigorating qualities of my having chosen this focus of life.
So we find ourselves in these vast territories without structures, patiently moving ahead, without forcing, sort of between being carried along and forging ahead, to what is unknown. And trusting, always trusting, allowing doubts to balloon and deflate of their own accord, though sometimes participating with them more that we might have consciously chosen to, in resonance with resolutions of childhood terrors.
My charge at present has become to remember that the veils, fogs, and smokes of doubt that come between us and the Cosmos, between us and our “Heaven’s Destiny” (Mandarin: 天命: tiānmìng) are all of our own making. And to attribute an inappropriate validity to the fog of doubt is to err in the placement of energy and awareness; to doubt is to shirk- and in Sufism, to shirk roughly means to imbue divinity in something other than the Divine.
©2011 Anthony S. Wright, Ph.D., All Rights Reserved.
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